This Is Me, Baby (War & Peace #5) Read online

  I’m stunned stupid, realizing he just spoke to my unborn baby. My entire body shivers from head to toe. His strong hands find my panties and he jerks them from my body. I am still thinking of his words until his nose rubs against my clit, sending fire shooting through me.

  He’s going to burn me alive from the inside out.

  “Oh, God!” I cry out, my hips lifting to seek his mouth.

  I’m not forced to wait much longer because a second later, his lips and tongue are all over my pussy. Tasting and sucking and licking and biting. So much sensation. Too much. But I need it all. I’m greedy, and it’s addicting. The pleasure surging through me is better than any drug. His breath scorches my sensitive skin as he whispers sweet things against my flesh. I hear those words and lock them up inside of me for safe keeping. Tuck them away in a memory box of my mind to open up and look at later when it’s no longer dark.

  “You’re dripping for me, baby,” he growls against my pussy. “I want to devour you all night long. Feast on this perfect part of you.”

  His hungry words only serve to drive me crazier than I already feel. I grip his hair when he starts to make good on his promise to consume me. My entire body—which had felt like an empty shell not even twenty minutes ago—comes alive. I jolt and squirm and cry out with every flick of his tongue. I beg and plead for I don’t know what until he gives it to me. His teeth find my clit and he tugs. It hurts for just a moment until he sucks away the pain. I’m dizzy with the assault of sensations blasting through me from where his mouth is connected to me.

  An orgasm with the ferocity and sudden onset like that of an unexpected tornado rips through me and decimates everything in its path.

  “Ren!”

  He jerks away from my throbbing sex and pushes my thighs apart. I let out a needy whine when I feel the head of his cock rubbing against my slick opening. Thankfully, he doesn’t tease me, and instead drives into me with one hard thrust. My fingernails dig into his arms as he bucks into me like a savage beast. I like him like this.

  Uncontrolled.

  Hungry.

  An animal who’s starved only for me.

  Possessive.

  “Say it again,” he orders, his voice deep and authoritative. The echoes of it rumble their way straight to my core. “Nobody has to hear it but us.”

  “Ren,” I murmur so softly, I wonder if he even hears it.

  His mouth crashes against mine and we kiss unlike any time before. This kiss is greedy. Soul consuming. Two people with needs only the other can fulfil.

  I want to touch every part of him as he fills me. To dance my fingers over his flesh and memorize each contour. Deep in my heart, I want to imagine it’s Duvan taking me. But even as I think those words, I know they aren’t one hundred percent true.

  Ren isn’t one I can simply block out.

  He loves too hard. With such loyalty. It never waivers. A love that one can lean upon during life’s biggest storm and not get blown away.

  Here in the dark, I don’t have to hide from Ren and pretend. It’s now that I actually feel alive. It’s everyone else I’m hiding from…with him. He’s once again there for me. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to convey to him how much that means to me.

  “Our little secret,” he whispers against my lips, like he has direct access to my thoughts.

  A secret with Ren.

  Wouldn’t be the first time.

  “Okay, Romeo,” I agree, my voice ragged as another orgasm clutches greedily at my body.

  My response spurs him on and he fucks me so hard I know I’ll be sore tomorrow. I dig my nails into his flesh and hold on for the duration of the ride.

  Together we peak with hissed breaths. Wet lips. Tangled souls.

  And then together we come back down. Fast and hard. Hurtling toward gravity at breakneck speed.

  Reality trickles its way into my brain as his seed trickles its way out of my body. His massive arms slide between my back and the mattress. He then rolls us over onto our sides. I nearly whimper when his fingers brush my hair out of my face. My skin is hot and sticky.

  I wish I could see him.

  Give a face to the secret.

  For now, the dark keeps us hidden.

  “What did Duvan want from you?” he questions, his tone sad.

  My heart aches in my chest. “For me to be happy. No agendas. No ulterior motives. Nothing in exchange for it. Just to see me smile.” Emotion chokes me. “It was that simple.”

  Ren leans forward and kisses my forehead. “It seems he and I have that in common then,” he breathes against me. “I will fulfil his wish. We will see you smile. You will be happy, Juliet.”

  A smile tugs at my lips from hearing the nickname.

  In his pitch-black bedroom, he may not see it, but I sure hope he can feel it.

  SUNLIGHT POURS IN THROUGH my window and blankets Brie in its warmth. Even the sun wants her. She’s the gravity. We all simply orbit around her.

  Lifting up on my elbow, I watch her as she sleeps. Her brows aren’t pinched together in pain. Her lips aren’t drawn into a sad frown. Her brown eyes don’t pool with unshed tears.

  She’s at peace.

  Asleep in my bed.

  Pride fills my chest. She hasn’t run from me. If anything, she’s run straight for me. It’s where she belongs now that her world has been blown to bits. I won’t let anything or anyone touch her again. Her tattered heart belongs to me. I’ll mend it until the day I die. I’m still watching her when my phone buzzes from the table. With a groan, I roll over to see who’s texting. I see I’ve missed a few.

  Calder: You do realize there are other people in this house?

  Calder: I thought you’d be a one-minute man or some shit but that crap went on for hours. WTF dude?

  Calder: Would have been cooler if she would have accidentally called you Steve…

  Calder: Oh, Teev! Give it to me! I’ve got a clue for you right here…

  I roll my eyes at his stupid texts from early this morning.

  Me: You’re a dick.

  His response is immediate.

  Calder: A dick that didn’t get any sleep because your girl’s moans kept me up all night. Oh, Romeo! Oh, Juliet! What is that anyway? Some sort of Shakespearean kink? Must be a thing. I’m googling it.

  I steal a glance at Brie. Last night had been fucking fabulous. And afterward, I held her while she slept. She was more relaxed than the night before. It felt good to give her some relief.

  Calder: Fucking forget it. I can’t believe I just googled that shit. Luciana won’t stop laughing now.

  He then sends me some Shakespeare porn that has me choking back laughter, so I don’t wake up Brie.

  Me: You’re a sick fuck.

  I slide out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans before slipping out of the bedroom. Calder and Luciana are nowhere to be found. After I start some coffee, I text him back.

  Me: Where are you?

  Calder: Denny’s. Thought Luci might want to get out of the house.

  Luci?

  Me: Thanks for the invite, asshole.

  Calder: According to my eavesdropping, you ate your fill last night.

  Me: I hate you.

  While I wait for him to respond, I stir some sugar into my coffee. Eventually, my punk-ass brother replies.

  Calder: You’re going to hate me even more. Mom’s on her way. I was supposed to warn you but then I thought it would be funny if she saw you butt-ass naked with Gabe’s daughter. Bye, Teev.

  A growl rumbles from me just as the doorbell rings.

  Fucking hell.

  I don’t even make it to the door before it swings open. Mom beams at me. Toto sits on her hip and she has Mason in his carrier in her other hand.

  “Teev!” Toto screeches and wiggles herself out of Mom’s grip.

  I can’t help but grin at my little buddy and scoop her up as soon as she makes it over to me. “Hey, Toto. Miss me?”

  She hugs my neck and lets out another squeal. “
Teev!”

  Patting her blonde curls, I arch an eyebrow up at Mom. “You can’t just blast in through the door, Mom. I have company.”

  Mom’s mouth drops open and her gaze takes in my appearance. I’m sure my hair has that just-fucked look and I’m not even wearing a shirt, for crying out loud. Her cheeks turn bright red as she wrestles Mason’s tiny body out of the car seat. “Well, I didn’t know!” she exclaims. “I told your brother I was coming. He said you’d be here.”

  Toto, now curious about my home, wiggles out of my grip. I set her back on her feet to go on a hunt for my coffee. It’s too early to deal with this crap without my liquid caffeine. “Want any coffee?” I call out.

  Mom follows me into the kitchen. “Wow…”

  Looking over my shoulder, I frown at her. “What?”

  “That tattoo. It’s…”

  “Big?” I quip with a smirk.

  She laughs. “That too. It’s beautiful, Ren.”

  I’m just taking my first sip of much needed coffee when I hear Brie screech my name from the other room. I slam down my mug and trot toward the bedroom. When I burst through the door, I’m frozen at what I see.

  Toto, a big toothy grin on her face, sitting on Brie’s chest and petting her dark brown hair. Brie’s eyes are wide and horrified but she makes no move to push Toto away.

  “Ahhh, fuck,” I hiss.

  Mom swats at my back. “Don’t cuss around her. She learned the word shit the other day from your father and has said it probably a thousand times since.” When she pushes past me, she too, pauses. “Oh, dear. You do have company.”

  Fucking Calder.

  “Uh, Jesus,” I groan and run my fingers through my hair before I stalk over to the bed. “I’m sorry.” I scoop Toto’s nosy ass up and storm back toward the door. “Mom, take Toto and wait in the living room. Please. Brie and I’ll be out in a sec.”

  Mom’s eyes are wide with understanding. She steals another glance at Brie before she ushers Toto out of my room. When I turn to look at Brie, she’s chewing on her bottom lip. God, she looks so fuckable this morning with her messy bed hair. She’s every man’s wet dream with the sheet barely tugged over her generous breasts. If my mother weren’t waiting for an explanation in the other room, I’d rip the sheet from Brie’s grip and give her something to smile about this morning.

  “I’m sorry it had to happen this way,” I groan. “If you want, I can make them leave. You don’t have to meet…” I close my eyes and let out a huff. “Your sister.”

  When I risk a glance at her, she’s still frowning. “Technically, I just met her.” Her tone is cold but then she seems to soften. “I can do this.”

  Her simple words mean so much. I love Toto. Who wouldn’t love Toto? I want Brie to love her too. Both Toto and Brie could use a sister. Their dad is a little on the special side.

  “You’re so fucking brave, Brie,” I tell her as I stride over to her. I grip her tousled hair and tilt her head back. She lets out a soft moan when I give her a hard kiss. When I finally pull away from her, her eyes flash with anger.

  “I haven’t brushed my teeth!”

  I smirk and shrug my shoulders. “Tasted pretty sweet to me. You don’t hear me complaining.”

  “Who said it was my breath I was disgusted about?” she retorts back, her brow lifted up in challenge.

  Laughing, I shake my head. “Keep looking at me that way, woman, and I’ll give my mother something to be disgusted about when I fuck you so hard you scream loud enough to scare the babies.”

  She gapes at me. “You wouldn’t…”

  I slide my leg between her thighs. “Want to test me?” My knee slides up and I nudge her right where I’ll put my dirty little mouth if she keeps up the sassy talk.

  She’s about to respond when Toto starts banging her tiny fists on my door. “Teev! Teev!”

  I snap my gaze to Brie and give her a wolfish grin. “We’ll continue this discussion later.”

  The flicker in her previously dull eyes tells me she’s looking forward to it.

  Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe this moment. Brie sits beside me on the couch. Toto is in my lap and keeps petting Brie like she’s some sort of exotic animal. And Mom stares at Brie in wonder with Mason suckling on her tit.

  Where is Dad or Calder or fucking Gabe?

  “Toni is your sister,” I tell Brie, my voice soft.

  Toto turns and grins at me. “Sissy?” She points at Brie in question.

  Brie’s hard gaze softens a bit. I know she’s uncomfortable around my sister’s toddler but these people are her family whether she likes it or not. Toto didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, she’s the only thing that Hannah and Gabe ever did right.

  “Yep,” I tell her and tug at a curl. “That’s your sissy.”

  “Why do you call her Toto?” Brie questions.

  I can tell Toto wants to crawl into Brie’s lap but she hesitates, probably sensing the stress that seems to be rippling from her.

  “Your dad calls her that so it kind of stuck.”

  Toto lets out a needy little whine and regards Brie with the saddest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen. That’s a look she learned from her momma. Brie bites on her lip as if she’s mentally battling with herself. Finally, though, she reaches for her sister. Toto crawls into her lap and lays her head on her shoulder. Her tiny hands begin playing with Brie’s hair.

  “Sissy pwetty.”

  Brie, who was stiff, relaxes and she pats Toto on her back. “You’re pretty too.”

  I flash Brie a supportive smile before turning to look over at Mom. Tears roll silently down her cheeks. After a moment, she finds her voice. “You look just like your dad,” Mom says, her voice quivering.

  Brie regards her with a frown. “I look like my mother too. But she was killed.”

  Mom flinches as if Brie’s words were an actual slap to her face. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I am so, so sorry.”

  Brie, who seemed poised for a fight, deflates just as quickly as she’d puffed out. “That was rude. I didn’t mean to…” she trails off and jerks her teary gaze to mine.

  “Some bad shit happened,” I assure her, “and you’re not wrong to feel angry or to lash out. If anyone knows how it feels, it’s Mom.” I smile at Mom and hope she can see how broken Brie is. That she’s not being a bitch…she’s just hurt.

  “My mother died too. And then my father was killed by my high school boyfriend.” Mom lowers her gaze. “People hurt me. They stole from me. They took away everything I loved.” She sniffles as she burps Mason. “Your father was one of those people.”

  Brie snaps her gaze to my mother. “What?”

  “They told me what that man did to you in Colombia. And then what happened to your husband,” Mom says. “I’m so sorry, honey. I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. I know how it feels to be raped and held against your will. I know how it feels to be a captive. I know how it feels to watch the ones you love bleed out in front of you.” She dabs at her cheek with Mason’s bib. “And I also know how awful it feels to have to have contact with those who hurt you. The hardest thing I ever had to do was accept your sister. My rapist’s child.”

  Brie starts to cry. “But he’s my daddy.” Even though she argues with my mom, I can sense she believes every word. “He wouldn’t do that, right?”

  Mom swallows and her lips purse into a firm line. “He did. It was a long time ago but he did.”

  I attempt to comfort Brie by pulling her closer but she’s still on her quest to understand and shakes me away.

  “I don’t know if I can accept this—what you’re saying,” she chokes out, her voice breathless. Her eyes flit over to her little sister and she frowns. “Any of this.”

  “I can’t imagine how it would feel to have to accept your mother’s murderer’s child,” Mom murmurs. “I know that it hurts. That it is confusing. That it makes you angry.”

  “Mom-mom,” Toto says sadly as she climbs o
ff Brie’s lap and runs over to Mom. “Don’t cwy.”

  Mom pulls her into her side and kisses her blonde head. “But some of us just have to be stronger because the rest of the world simply is not.”

  Brie buries her face into my side as a loud sob escapes her. I hold her to me as she cries. My poor, broken, beautiful girl.

  “Daddy always told me that people would say he did bad things. I just never understood what those things were. He certainly never explained them.” Brie lets out a painful cry but sits up to look at my mother. “He might have hurt you, and for that I’m sorry, but he was the best father anyone could have asked for.”

  Mom nods and smiles at her. “I don’t doubt that for a minute, sweetheart. I’ve seen how he behaves around Toto. Gabe isn’t all bad. For ten years of my life, he was my entire world. I’m not trying to turn you against him. I’m simply telling you I understand how you feel.”

  Brie’s hand finds mine and she squeezes it as if she requires my strength. “I still love him.”

  “I know.” Mom winks at her.

  Something passes between them. Something powerful. Something solid.

  “Umm, Mrs. McPherson…”

  “Baylee,” Mom corrects.

  Brie swipes away her tears with the back of her hand and begins resurrecting the wall that protects her. “Can I get the name of your obstetrician? I’m not sure who to go to and I’m going to need to get some prenatal tests done soon.”

  Mom’s eyes drop to Brie’s stomach and then flicker to mine. I give her a slight shake of my head. I’m not the father. Understanding flashes in them. Not relief, though. Sadness. “Of course, Brie. I’ve got a card in my bag. In another month or two, Mason will be too big for his bassinet. I could loan it to you if you’d like.”

  “I would like that,” Brie assures her. “And, Baylee?”

  “Yes, honey?”

  “I’m sorry he hurt you. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

  Mom smiles at her. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. They may try to tear our hearts apart…” She strokes at Toto’s hair and looks fondly at her. “But they don’t understand, our hearts are made of steel. Women like us are unbreakable. Even when we’re shattered into a thousand bits. We just find a way to gather up what’s left, walk into the fire otherwise known as life, and weld our most precious piece back together again.” Mom kisses Mason’s forehead before leveling her gaze at Brie. “This is life, baby. And you’re going to conquer it.”