This Is Me, Baby (War & Peace #5) Read online

  I FIDGET ON THE exam table as I wait for the doctor to see me. The nurse had me pee in a cup and drew some blood after having me fill out a mountain of paperwork. Baylee had offered to come with me, but I’m glad that it’s Ren who’s here with me.

  His shoulders are tense as he stares out the window. It’s been a week since I met my sister and his mother. A whole week of us being intimate at night but friends during the day. Something about the daylight makes me feel exposed. Like I’ve done something wrong. Like I’ve betrayed Duvan by letting Ren put me back together again.

  The daylight instills guilt.

  Which is why I keep him at arm’s length.

  Until his bedroom door closes at night.

  When he draws me into his arms and kisses away all the pain. I count down the minutes until we’re alone in the dark. It’s the only time I feel somewhat normal. I’d thought he’d be upset with me. That my standoffishness during the day would hurt his feelings.

  But Ren is strong.

  It’s as if he has direct access into my head. I don’t have to tell him because he gets it. Ren respects my boundaries and doesn’t breach them.

  I hate what I’m doing to him but it helps me. I’m selfish because I need him to be two different people for me at two different times.

  “Are you nervous?” he questions, his steely blues darting to mine.

  I stop chewing on my fingernail and nod. “I am. What if I’m not really pregnant? What if I don’t have his baby inside me? It’s all I have left of him…” The stupid emotions overwhelm me once again. Tears streak down my cheeks. But before they can even drip from my jaw, Ren is out of his seat and standing beside the exam table pulling me into his arms.

  “You’re sick every morning, Brie. Your tits are huge. And you haven’t had a period in a while, right? You’re pregnant. Stop worrying. His baby is safe,” he assures me.

  I let my best friend hug me tight. We may not carry on a sexual relationship when the sun can stare at me with disdain in its eyes, but we still touch. His hugs are soothing to me. They’re needed and always come at the right time.

  Luciana and I are tight, but she can’t give this to me.

  Vee, at one time could have, but she’s nowhere to be found.

  The thought of Vee has my heart aching. I don’t know where she went. Ren’s father is looking into tracking her whereabouts. According to his records, her apartment and parents’ house are still being paid for. It’s as if she and her mom left on a vacation or something. Knowing her stupid mom, she probably took Vee to some resort so they could deal with the stress of losing Heath by getting pedicures and massages and sipping mimosas.

  I’d ask Oscar but he’s unreachable. He won’t answer his phone or his emails. The last I’d heard about him was from Rafe. But I can’t get in touch with Rafe now either. Everything is all so weird.

  The door clicks open and someone walks in. Ren kisses the top of my head before releasing me to go sit back down. An Asian woman with black hair and a pretty smile walks in wearing a lab coat.

  “Hello, Mrs. Rojas. I’m Dr. Ling,” the woman greets and extends her small hand.

  I shake it and force a smile. “Hi.”

  She sits down on a stool and opens the laptop on the counter. Quickly, she scans through the information. “Well, you’re definitely pregnant according to your bloodwork and urine sample. Congratulations,” she says with a grin. “And based on when you said your last period was, that puts you at twelve weeks.”

  My heart races in my chest.

  This is real.

  I’m pregnant with Duvan’s baby.

  I will carry on a piece of him.

  “Would you like to see your baby?” she questions. “At this stage, we should be able to get a pretty good picture for you.”

  My gaze jerks over to Ren and he’s beaming. He nods his head before rising and striding back over to me. He takes my hand. “Brie, this is exciting.”

  Tears well in my eyes, and I nod at the doctor. “Yes. Please.”

  She calls in a nurse and they begin prepping me for a vaginal ultrasound. My hand squeezes Ren’s strong one as anxiety spikes through me. The only thing keeping me sane through this entire ordeal is the breathtaking smile on his handsome face.

  He’s happy for me.

  That thought elates me.

  “This will feel a little uncomfortable, but just try to relax,” Dr. Ling says in a calm voice. I feel pressure as she pushes the lubricated wand into me. The nurse turns some dials on the screen beside the bed.

  “You’re doing a great job,” Ren whispers before kissing me on the forehead.

  I smile back at him.

  “You two are a cute couple,” the young nurse says with a grin. “How long have you been married?”

  My heart stops beating in my chest. Her simple question reminds me of the fact that my child will never have a father. That we’ll have to deal with these questions until the day we die.

  “What’s that?” Ren interjects, pointing at the screen. I’m thankful for the distraction and the fact that he reads me so well.

  The nurse turns her attention to the screen. Her smile falls immediately. “Umm, Dr. Ling?”

  Dr. Ling’s eyebrows furrow together as she concentrates. “Yes,” she murmurs. “I see that. Let me make sure first.”

  Ren’s gaze snaps to mine and terror flickers in his eyes. I don’t like the look because it scares me. Everything about the way they’re acting is scaring me.

  “Volume, Nurse Ellie,” Dr. Ling instructs.

  A moment later, a loud thumping fills the room. All fear drains away from me as I focus on the beautiful sound.

  “That is your baby’s heartbeat,” Dr. Ling says. She moves the wand around inside of me. A moment later, I hear another sound. The cadence slightly different. “And this is your other baby’s heartbeat.”

  Time stands still as I process her words. Nurse Ellie is beaming at me pointing to two different grainy blobs on the screen.

  “T-Two?” I stutter out.

  Ren bends over and boldly kisses me on the mouth. “Two babies,” he breathes against my lips. “Congratulations, Momma.”

  Tears roll out of my eyes and Ren swipes them away with his thumbs. His eyes twinkle with delight and it fills me with warmth. Two babies. This is better than good. This is perfect. Of course Duvan would knock me up with a litter of little tiger cubs. Of course he would.

  “I’m speechless,” I manage to choke out.

  Dr. Ling chuckles. “Most parents are when they find out they’re having twins. Come back in another month for your sixteen-week checkup and we may be able to determine the sex of the babies.”

  Ren gives me a lopsided grin that makes my heart flop in my chest. Nurse Ellie pulls some photographs from the printer and then hands a stack to me. When she hands Ren a picture, she beams at him. “Congratulations to you too, Daddy. You did good work.” She gives him a wink.

  I don’t have the heart to tell her he isn’t the father. Thankfully, Ren doesn’t confirm nor deny her words. He simply takes the picture and stares proudly at it. My heart is too small and shredded to handle all of this happiness at once. I’m overwhelmed.

  “I’m going to set you up with some prenatal vitamins, but other than that, keep doing what you’re doing. Your weight is a healthy amount and the babies look great,” Dr. Ling tells me as she stands.

  Babies.

  I’m having two.

  The moment we exit the building and the late October breeze whips around us, Ren scoops me into his arms. I let out a laugh when he spins me in a circle before putting me back on my feet.

  His hair is styled in a messy way that looks good on him. The stubble on his cheeks has gotten thicker and I love the way it feels when his mouth kisses me in the dark all over my most sensitive places. Steely blue eyes shine with pride and love and excitement. I don’t think he’s ever looked as sexy as he does now.

  “Brie,” he says, his tone low. His smile falls an
d he regards me with a severe look. “You keep looking at me that way, and I won’t be able to control what happens next.” His head lifts up to the sky, making his Adam’s apple bulge from his throat. “In case you didn’t notice, it’s broad daylight.” He draws his chin back down and glares at me with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “The things I want to do to you are too sinful for this time of day.”

  His words cause my panties to dampen. The rules and boundaries I have in place with Ren are slightly skewed and greyed out right now. For once I’d like to watch the way his full lips suck on my inner thigh until it leaves a mark. For once, I’d like to see the way his cock stretches me open as he slowly slides into me. For once I’d like to stare into his blues as he drives into me. Thoughts of sex with Ren aren’t helping my situation. Like always, he reads me so well. Hunger flashes in his gaze.

  “God,” he growls. “You’re so fucking sexy. I know it isn’t what you want to hear right now but I can’t not say it.” His fingers spear into my hair and he tugs until I’m looking up at him. The parking lot is full of people but he doesn’t care. His mouth once again descends upon mine like when he so boldly kissed me in the exam room. This time, though, his intent is darker—like our nights. I let out a moan the second his lips press against mine. A starved growl rumbles from him as he deepens our kiss.

  I clutch his shirt to hold him in place. Truth is, I don’t want the kiss to ever end. In the daylight, the kiss warms me. It’s freeing. People can see. We can see. Our teeth clash together as we kiss, as though there might not be another chance. Having lost Duvan has shown me that you never know what the future holds so you have to take those chances when they’re presented to you.

  He finally breaks our kiss when we’re both panting for air and slides his palms to the sides of my neck. His forehead leans against mine as he grins at me.

  “Oh, Romeo,” I say with a chuckle. I can’t help but think that several months ago, when I was still locked away in my tower, I’d have gone wild over a kiss like that. Very romantic. Very Romeo. Very Ren.

  “Speaking of, Juliet, do you want to go to the costume store? Calder’s having a Halloween party tomorrow night. He’s been inviting a shit-ton of people. It could be fun,” he says, waggling his eyebrows at me.

  My heart sinks.

  Ren probably wants us to dress up as Romeo and Juliet.

  “I want to be a tigress,” I blurt out.

  His dark brown eyebrow lifts up in amusement, not disappointment like I would have thought. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He gives my ass a squeeze. “Now get in the truck before I turn into a beast and maul you.”

  The visual has me stalling for just a moment.

  I like it when Ren goes into beast mode.

  “There,” I tell him, pointing at a townhouse at the end of his street. “Let’s go look.”

  He pulls his truck into the driveway. This townhouse is two-story and stucco and has a direct view of the ocean. I like that it’s close to Ren. As much as I’ve enjoyed sleeping in his bed each night, I need to think of giving my babies a real home.

  A multicolored strand of flags flaps in the wind. A sign boasting Open House hangs above the garage. I’ve not even been inside yet and I already feel drawn to this place. We climb out and Ren takes my hand. His grip makes me feel secure. Together, we enter the place. Before we even make it through the front door, a man in a black suit with a blinding white smile greets us. As soon as he quickly assesses us, his smile falters. I’m sure he was hoping for someone older.

  “What can I help you kids with?” he questions, irritation bubbling in his voice.

  Ren bristles at his tone. “Well,” Ren bites out, dropping his gaze to the realtor’s nametag, “Conrad, you can start by giving us a tour. Unless you’re too busy for that. We can certainly show ourselves around.”

  Conrad opens his mouth to reply when another couple walks in the front door. He sizes the older couple up and makes a quick decision. “Please,” he says, “feel free to show yourselves around.”

  Ren tenses but I tug him away from the asshole. “I’d rather take the tour with you instead. He’s a douchebag,” I mutter.

  He chuckles and lets me guide him down the hallway. Everything is perfect. Brand new hardwood floors. Granite countertops in the kitchen. Fancy stainless steel appliances and fixtures. Once I’m satisfied I’ve properly looked at everything downstairs, I let Ren guide me up the stairs of the fully furnished home.

  “Do you think they’ll sell the furniture too?” I ponder aloud.

  He stops at the top of the steps and frowns at me. “You really want to buy it?”

  I swallow and nod. “I want to give my babies a home.”

  His gaze bores into mine for a long moment. “Okay, then. Let’s check out the rest, Momma.” That’s twice now he’s called me Momma and both times, it’s filled me with warmth.

  We carefully inspect each bedroom. There are two smaller bedrooms and a larger master. So Luciana will have a place to stay too. I’ll probably put the twins together. This house is perfect.

  Ren drags me into the master bathroom. He grins when I shriek over the size of the jet bathtub and walk-in shower.

  “I’m going to buy it,” I tell him proudly.

  He walks over to the bathroom door and locks it. Then, he saunters over to me. “It’s perfect. Just like you.” I let out a whimper when he grabs my hips and turns me to face the mirror.

  Compared to Ren, I look like a shrimp. My dark brown hair is messy and windblown, but the look on my face isn’t one I’ve seen in a while. Happiness. Hope. Pride. I’m smiling, and it looks good on me. He, of course, looks like perfection in a tight white T-shirt that showcases every single one of his muscles. His large hands seem to swallow my waist as he rests them on my hips.

  The lines have become blurry with him.

  I want him in this moment.

  Not tonight after the lights have gone out.

  Now.

  As if back inside my head, he reaches for the light switch. I shake my head at our reflection. “Leave them on.”

  He gives me a clipped nod before he sweeps my hair away from my neck. His lips are soft on my flesh as he places hot kisses there. One of his massive hands slides to my front and grips my breast through a Nirvana shirt of his I stole.

  “Are you sure you want to see this?” he murmurs and then his teeth tug at my flesh near my ear. “I’m going to fuck you right now against this counter. In this house. For those assholes downstairs to hear. Can you handle seeing it happen? Last chance for me to turn off the lights, baby.”

  My eyes flutter closed at his bold words. I’m wet and needy for him. Screw my boundaries. I want to see this. Grabbing on to his hand, I guide him lower until his fingers graze against my clit through my yoga pants. Pleasure jolts through me at the simple touch.

  “I want to see,” I whisper, my unsure eyes meeting his. “I need to see.”

  He grabs the bottom of my shirt and pulls it hastily from my body. The bra I’m wearing is way too small now and my tits are spilling out of the top of it. His hands cup them in a reverent way for a moment before he dances his fingers along to my back to unlatch my bra. When it falls to the floor and my heavy breasts are freed, our eyes once again meet in the mirror.

  “You’re so goddamned beautiful, Brie. I’ll never get tired of looking at you,” he growls. His tongue finds my neck and he laps at me. “I’ll never get tired of tasting you.” Then, he sinks his teeth into my skin in a playful way. “I’ll never get tired of biting you.” He roughly hooks his thumbs into the top of my pants and shoves them down. With one of his large hands, he pushes the middle of my back until my palms are on the countertop and my face is inches from the glass. His hands grope my ass cheeks for a second before he runs a long fingertip between my thighs. He finds my wet opening and breaches it with his finger. I let out a needy moan and wiggle my hips at him.

  “Ren…”

  He does that sexy man thing where he reaches
behind his neck and yanks his shirt up over his head in a way that looks sinful. I watch him jerk at his belt and then his jeans slide to the floor. His impressive cock is freed and slides along the crack of my ass, causing me to shiver with anticipation. He fists his erection and guides it into my wet opening, drawing a whine from me. When he’s pushed in to the hilt, he flashes me a wicked grin that has me clenching around him.

  Seeing this makes it better.

  Reality isn’t always a bitch.

  The darkness isn’t always preferable to the light.

  “I’ll never get tired of fucking you, baby.”

  He slides all the way out before slamming into me again. I cry out and grip the countertop. When my eyes close as I give in to the pleasure, pain at my skull forces them back open. Ren’s blue eyes glimmer wildly and he has my hair tangled in his grip.

  “Eyes open,” he growls as his hips piston into me.

  My mouth is parted open and my eyes are hooded. Swollen breasts bounce in front of me with every thrust he delivers.

  This is hot.

  We’re hot.

  “Oh, God…” I whimper, my legs beginning to shake with impending pleasure.

  His rough palm slides around my hip to my front where he captures my clit between his thumb and finger. The hand that’s gripping my hair pulls me toward him so his chest is up against my back. He can’t thrust with me standing upright so he focuses on massaging my clit. My eyes start to close again, so he tugs my hair hard enough to remind me of his command. I bite down on my lip and meet his gaze head on. The fire that blazes in his blues consumes me. I give in to the expert way he touches me and cry out as my entire body convulses. The moment my legs begin to wobble, he pushes me back down onto the counter. Slam after beautiful slam, he thunders into me until he grunts signifying his own release. His heat gushes into me without warning. He slows, and when his cock stops throbbing, he flashes me a crooked, mischievous grin.