My Torin Read online

  I say the word we both want to hear. “No.”

  Two weeks later…

  I frown as I read over the directions on the box. This whole cooking thing is complicated. I’ve been reading up on recipes and trying new things, but sometimes I fail. Today is one of those times. The cake I made looks nothing like the picture. I hope it at least tastes good.

  Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap.

  The incessant sound isn’t coming from me for once, but from Torin. He sits at the bar in the kitchen with his laptop in front of him, firing away on an email. It sounds longer than anything he’s ever written me and the hope for a long email with his words has my heart squeezing.

  “What do you think?” I ask.

  He pauses his typing to snatch up his phone. The app replies for him once he’s entered it in. “It smells good.”

  I beam at him and rush over to him for a hug. My Torin doesn’t hug, but lately he doesn’t run either. If I can’t be mistaken, he leans into my hugs. It’s progress. As soon as I round the bar, he snaps his laptop closed.

  He’s tense when I hug him from behind, which doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but today it might.

  “Everything okay?”

  His teeth grind together and I’m about to get onto him for it when he taps away on his phone. “Fine. I’m trying to solve a problem.”

  “A work problem?” I ask. “Maybe I can help?” Where Tyler left off, Torin has picked back up. I email him questions and he explains in detail about the oil and gas industry. Sometimes, it’s mind-boggling the amount of details he holds locked up inside that brain of his. Even if most of it goes over my head, I’m still overcome with satisfaction that he’s taking the time to explain it to me. Without his brother, he still manages to plow through the workload and keep their company afloat. One day, I hope to help him.

  One day.

  The thought elates me.

  Now that Torin and I have been finding ways to communicate, I’m discovering he’s not so different from his brother. I just have to work at it a little harder to find the real him. Just like Tyler put in the work for me. No one else ever took the time to get to know me—to look past the surface of my anxiety and ADHD. To see that I was more than just a foster kid with an attitude. Tyler put in the work. The least I can do for him is do the same with Torin. Torin is worth it. Beneath his hard, gritty surface is a man worth loving. A man who wants to love so badly in return. I’m learning to push my knee-jerk reactions to the side and analyze why he’s doing something a certain way. I pay attention to non-verbal cues.

  My Torin is a puzzle.

  My Torin is one I can solve.

  “You can’t help,” his phone says in a chipper tone that doesn’t match Torin’s voice at all.

  I giggle and swat at him. “Fine. But let me know if I can.”

  “Get back in the kitchen, woman.”

  It takes me a minute to realize the voice on the phone made a joke. Torin made a joke.

  “Oh my God!” I screech. “You little asshole!”

  He’s stiff and emotionless. Without even thinking, I tickle him along his ribs in a playful way. His entire body jerks away from me, a boyish laugh filling the air. I’m so stunned at the adorable sound, I simply stare at him.

  His lips.

  His perfect mouth.

  He’s smiling.

  And as soon as it’s there, it’s gone. Just a simple physical reaction to my tickling him. I burst into tears. If only Tyler were here. I can imagine how big and bright his smile would be—it’d look just like Torin’s I now know. They share the same perfect grin. Boyish and adorable.

  As I cry, Torin approaches me. When he seizes my wrist with his hand and glares at me, worry pushes away my joy. Without warning, I’m jerked with him as he stalks through the house. I try to put on the brakes, but he’s moving too fast. I have to practically run to keep up with him for fear of getting dragged behind him.

  “Torin!” I cry out when he wrenches the front door open.

  A blast of icy air assaults us. He pulls me out the door and snow swirls around us. The skies are dark gray as the winter storm rages around us.

  Oh, God.

  Is he angry?

  Is he leaving me out here?

  Neither of us have a coat on. Just our hoodies. Thankfully we’re both wearing jeans and shoes. He continues his trek through the snow, seemingly unaware that I’m stumbling through it. I’m panicked and freaking the fuck out until we reach the barn. At least it’s kept warm there for the horses. Each day, I follow Torin out to the stables and help him care for Thunder and Lightning. He kind of goes into a trance when he works with them and I’m mesmerized each time.

  Maybe it’s time to feed them.

  Maybe he forgot until just now.

  Torin is abrupt. That has to be it.

  We push into the barn and he drags me past Lightning. Thunder snorts in irritation when we rush up to him. Like Torin, Thunder intensely stares at me.

  “Are they hungry?” I squeak out.

  He releases me and starts tapping on his phone. “Yours.”

  “My what?”

  His nostrils flare as he responds by typing another reply. “Your horse.”

  I blink at him in confusion until I remember an old conversation. “I made you laugh. You’re making good on our bet.”

  Thunder snorts again and makes a noise in his throat like he doesn’t like being a part of a bet.

  The chipper voice on his phone says, “I didn’t think I could.” He blinks over and over and over again. His normally emotionless face is confused. Then his device is talking again. “Tyler tried my entire life to make me laugh. Told unfunny jokes. Did silly things. Made stupid animal sounds. I always wished I could have laughed for him just to make him happy.” A tear rolls down his cheek, catching me by surprise. “I laughed for you.”

  Even though his words come through the voice of someone else, I hear them in his voice. His emotional inflection that can only be seen via written word. I rush over to him and throw my arms around his neck. He doesn’t hug me back. He never does. But I hug him with everything in me. His body trembles as silent tears escape him. I’ve cried more times than I can count over Tyler’s death. I’ve mourned him. Torin hasn’t seemed to feel anything about Tyler’s death. I realize now, he feels. Just like he feels emotions for me. They’re just trapped deep inside of him.

  “Shhh,” I coo through my own tears. “He loved you, and your laughing may have been important to him, but it wasn’t the only thing he wanted from you. You were his best friend. Kept him company in that giant, spooky house. You gave him purpose. He just wanted your happiness, Torin. That’s why he found me. To make you happy.”

  His shoulders flex with tension. Something in my words has bothered him.

  “What?” I ask, pulling away to regard him. He’s not frowning or smiling. He simply stares at me with red eyes and wet cheeks.

  I can feel him typing on his phone behind my back. Then, it speaks for him. “You make me very happy.” His own words are hoarse but fierce as they rumble from his throat. “Casey-Casey, mine.”

  A sob catches in my throat. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss the side of his throat near his ear. “You make me very happy too.”

  The tension releases and his head leans against mine. He may not hug or kiss, but his small displays of affection are enough. I latch onto them greedily.

  “Thank you for my horse,” I say with a laugh.

  His fingers find my hair and grip it in an almost painful way. My mouth parts open when he pulls my head back. His piercing brown eyes bore into me. I let my gaze fall to his mouth that moves over and over again as he repeats one whispered word.

  Beautiful.

  Dr. Cohen’s lips purse together so hard, I can count her wrinkles she’s making. Eight above the top lip and four below.

  “He’s communicating more,” I tell her, pride evident in my voice. “We’ve downloaded an app that helps him speak to me.”

&nb
sp; “An app?” she clips out.

  Torin rocks in the chair beside me. It makes me worry because in the past month since Tyler passed, we haven’t had any episodes like this. He follows me around at the grocery store, throwing items into the cart. We go to the bank so he can withdraw his pennies, something I find incredibly sweet since he gifts them all to me one by one after he’s shined them to look new. I’ve taken him to the mall, to some restaurants, and to the feed store for the animals. Whatever misconceptions I had about Torin were squelched. He functions like anyone else—he just doesn’t speak much or express his thoughts or opinions.

  “An app,” I say firmly. “Torin, are you okay?” I turn my attention to him, expecting him to use his phone to reply. Instead, he keeps rocking. His fists are so tight, the knuckles are white. It makes me nervous. So nervous that I pick up the pen beside me and start clicking.

  Clickclickclickclickclick.

  “Dear, this is not a game,” Dr. Cohen tells me, her eyes darting to the pen in my hand. She’s annoyed with me, clearly. God, I hate this bitch.

  Clickclickclickclickclick.

  “You’re right,” I snap, unable to control my emotions—the exact opposite of Torin. “This is not a game. This is my life, dear.”

  Clickclickclickclickclick.

  Her eyes widen in shock. “I just think this”—she waves her hand between us as if it disturbs her—“whatever this is, is not healthy. It’s toxic. From what you’ve told me, Torin’s brother Tyler approached you to come live with them because he thought you could understand Torin like no one else could?” Her voice drips with disdain. “I’m sorry, but you don’t know the first thing about psychology.”

  Clickclickclickclickclick.

  I stop clicking and rise to my feet abruptly. The quick action alarms Torin because he rises too.

  “Casey-Casey!” he barks, tension in his voice.

  I point the pen in Dr. Cohen’s face. “You’re toxic. I may not know the first thing about psychology, but you don’t know the first thing about my Torin. He’s loving and sweet and intelligent. He’s worthy and we’re right together. So right. I’m sorry, Dr. Cohen, but this isn’t working out between us. You won’t be seeing either of our faces again because we quit.”

  She gapes up at me. “You can’t just quit. It doesn’t work like that. This is not a game—”

  “NO!” Torin roars, making me squeak out in surprise. He grabs my wrist and drags me past her.

  Dr. Cohen calls out for us, but Torin is done. My heart swells at the fact he’s protecting me in his own way. She follows us out the door and into the hallway. I look over my shoulder and shoot her the bird, reveling in the disgusted look on her face.

  Good riddance, Dr. Quack.

  It’s easy to lose track of the days and hours in a house without windows. Or maybe spending every waking minute with a complicated man is just distracting. I live for touching him. I count down to waking up so I can stare at his handsome sleeping face and run my fingers over his relaxed features.

  “Do you ever think about moving?” I ask, my breath hot against his cheek.

  His body stiffens, so I know he’s awake. “No.”

  “Is that the standard answer or the easy answer?”

  He reaches for his phone on the bedside table. I smile against his skin as he types out his answer.

  “Too many memories here. Mom, Dad, Tyler. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”

  “And I can’t imagine living in one place my entire life.”

  “Do you want to live someplace else?” the voice says.

  I sit up on one elbow to look at him. His sharp brown eyes catch mine. I love how unkempt he is in the mornings. Messier hair than usual. Sleepy eyes. A more than normal relaxed expression on his face.

  “I always wanted a place of my own. One I could decorate and fill up with my things. I’ve never really had things,” I tell him, my voice sad. “All I ever owned fit inside my backpack. The most I’ve ever owned has been here in this house. But…” I trail off. “Never mind.” I smile and kiss him on the mouth. He doesn’t kiss back. He never does.

  “Casey-Casey.” I love his real voice. I can even sense his tones now if I really pay attention. He’s urging me on.

  “But, I’ve never felt comfortable enough to call this my house. I’m just a visitor.”

  He growls. The sound makes me laugh.

  “NO!” he barks.

  I lift a brow. “No, what?”

  Smirking, I watch as his thumb flies over the keys. Soon, the voice answers for him. “No, you’re not a visitor. This is your home too. It’s our home.”

  “Maybe one day we could move into a home with windows,” I tease.

  His lips twitch on one side. It makes me crave to see his smile. With a wicked grin, I tickle him hard under his ribs. His phone hits the floor beside the bed with a thud and the cats scatter, meowing their annoyance along the way. None of that has my attention, though.

  Him.

  His bright brown eyes twinkling.

  The throaty laugh that turns my insides to mush.

  A smile that a girl could develop an addiction for.

  I bottle it up and save it for a rainy day, for it’ll be gone in a flash. Before I can enjoy it for too long, his features relax and his intense stare is back on me.

  “Casey-Casey.”

  Sitting up, I peel away my T-shirt and reveal my naked body to him. His gaze darkens as he hungrily drinks up my bare flesh. I start to straddle him like we always have sex, but he surprises me by flipping me onto my back.

  “Are we having sex like this?” I ask, my voice breathy and my heart hammering out of control.

  He blinks at me. Then, Torin’s teeth come out. The man may not be able to kiss, but he gives me love bites and they’re just as good. I groan when he nips at my jaw once before biting on my throat. His hot breath against my sensitive flesh has heat flooding to my center. I wrap my legs around his hips and draw him against me. A groan ripples from me when his hard cock, barely contained in a pair of boxers, presses against my naked sex. This excites him because his bites become more frantic. More desperate. More painful.

  “Oh, God,” I whimper.

  I want him to bite me everywhere.

  As if on the same wavelength, he nips his way down. Past my collarbone and to my breast. I cry out when he roughly tugs at the peaked nipple. He doesn’t lick away the pain and that’s okay. My Torin simply bites his way over my stomach until he reaches the part of me that drips for him.

  “Please,” I beg. I don’t even know what I’m begging for.

  He inhales me and a feral sound rips from him. Hungry. Manic. Possessive. His teeth are gentler as he goes from biting to scraping. He scrapes them over my pubic bone, letting his top teeth run over my sex. I jolt from the sensation. This turns him on, his breathing more intense, the heat from his breaths driving me wild against my body.

  “Touch me there,” I plead.

  To my surprise, his tongue darts out. Like all the times he has licked away my tears. Except now, he’s tasting my essence. At first, it’s hesitant and curious. But when I moan louder and louder, he becomes ravenous. He snarls against me like a beast moments before he tries to suck my clit right from my body. I cry out in pleasure, my back arching up off the bed. Needing to hold on to something, I latch onto his dark hair and urge him to keep going.

  Bite.

  Lick.

  Suck.

  Moan.

  Over and over and over again until I’m dizzy with desire. I’m dripping and trembling. Torin may not be affectionate or kiss like most people do, but the things he’s doing to me right now are insanely wonderful.

  “Yes, oh, God!”

  “Casey-Casey,” he growls before nipping at my inner thigh.

  My nerves are on fire and I’m shaking with the need to come. I’m so close. Just when I think he might quit, he runs his tongue slowly and sweetly along my slit. It’s enough to send me over the edge.

&nb
sp; Black. Black. Black.

  I come so hard I see stars. Torin and I flying among them. Cosmic.

  I’m spinning slowly back down to reality when the tip of his cock probes my opening. He drives into me so hard, the bed protests against the movement. His fist tangles and locks its way into my hair as his piercing brown eyes nail me into place.

  We stare.

  We stare and stare and stare.

  His hips thrust wildly against me, not unlike the first time we had sex. This time, I get to look into his eyes that shine with love and adoration. I’ve never felt so whole and a part of something in my entire life. A two-person team. Yin and yang. The sun and moon. We work together somehow. Some weird way. Fate brought us together and she knew exactly what she was doing. The thought of Torin having no one for the rest of his life or someone who doesn’t understand him like I do is heartbreaking.

  He’s mine.

  “Mine,” I mutter.

  A hiss of pleasure escapes him. Instead of kissing me, he drops his forehead to mine. His hips slam and slam against me until his seed pours into me. Hot, furious, feral. It’s irresponsible probably, but I don’t care. Neither does he. More than life itself, I’ve wanted a family. Torin’s family has been torn from him piece by piece. Together we can make a new one—a family I’d die to protect.

  “Casey-Casey,” he murmurs. His lips drag across my cheek. My heart stutters in my chest because it’s so warm and affectionate. Tears spill from my lids. “I breathelicktastetouchsmellfeelneed you.”

  I sniffle as I squeeze him to me. “I love you too, Torin.”

  Three months later…

  Love.

  Tyler tried to explain it to me, but it’s indescribable. It’s a thousand sensations all rolled into one. It’s air and nourishment. It’s life.

  It’s her.

  Casey.

  She’s so fucking smart and beautiful, it nearly drives me insane. Sometimes all I can do is marvel at how perfect she is. She likes to tease me and tell me I’m creepy, but I’m unfazed. If creepy is getting to look at the girl I love all damn day, then creepy I am.

  And I do love her.