This Isn't You, Baby (War & Peace Book 4) Read online

  He beams in a way I’ve never seen before and he almost looks as handsome as Oscar. Playful and carefree. Happy. Esteban is a monster who takes joy in terrorizing his victims. “I was hoping that would be your answer. Want it in your thigh again?”

  I close my eyes remembering the way the drug chased away reality. How I coasted into oblivion with a smile on my face.

  “Yes.”

  He releases me and I fall onto the couch. I’m in a haze of self-hatred and lust over the heroin while he messes about in the basement. When he returns, he helps me sit up.

  “Take off your shirt,” he demands.

  “No.”

  His eyebrows furl together in fury. “I’m really hating that word coming out of your mouth,” he snaps. “Maybe I should cut out your fucking tongue so you’ll quit using it.”

  I take off my shirt.

  I’m completely naked and twitching for what he’s about to give me. My mind and my body are at odds—an epic battle my body is winning. They’ve already slaughtered my heart somewhere along the way.

  “What did you take last night anyway?” he questions, his fingertip running down between my breasts toward my navel.

  I close my eyes and pretend it’s Duvan. “Xanax.”

  His hand leaves me as he prepares the heroin. “Not Xanax. You got too fucked up way too quickly. Sure it wasn’t Dilaudid?”

  “I’m not sure. What’s that?”

  “A strong pain reliever. The Xanax were pushed to the back. The Dilaudid cap was screwed on crooked,” he tells me. I try to drown him out but the sounds of what he’s doing sends a ripple of need coursing through me.

  “What is it?”

  He rubs my thigh and I open my eyes to look at him. “It’s similar to heroin. An opiate. Gives you a high almost as good as this,” he says and waves the syringe at me. “Just so you know.” His wink is conspiratorial.

  Dilaudid.

  I won’t forget that name.

  “Esteban,” I murmur, my voice raw and shaky. “I need Duvan. Please call him.”

  His face darkens. “I’ve taken care of him for a bit. All you need is me. You’ll see soon enough. You’ll crave me just like you crave this hit. Then, once he’s gone for good, we’ll rule like we were born to. It was never supposed to be him.”

  “Please…”

  His hand rubs over my stomach in a gentle, reverent way. “Shhh,” he says in a gravelly voice. “Let me do this.”

  He takes my wrist and pushes the needle into the vein there. I stare in fascination as he squeezes the pure heaven into me. The familiar warmth surges through me like fire on dry brush. It ignites every nerve ending and sets my soul aflame. My eyes roll back and I let out a moan of pleasure.

  I’m lost in my own little world when I hear something tear. Then a manly, guttural groan. And then I’m crushed and filled. I’m suffocating on the scent of a monster. He’s consuming me and I’m running from him, chasing my high into oblivion.

  I wake up shaking and confused. Every muscle in my body is on fire with pain. My brain is muddied with fragments of Esteban. I groan when I try and sit up. It’s then that I notice the raw pain between my legs. Hot tears streak down my cheeks. Four used condoms are tied and discarded on the floor beside the sofa. Bile rises in my throat.

  I’m going to be sick.

  On weak legs, I wobble across the basement to the steps. I’m just climbing the bottom one when the door swings open. A dark figure stands in the doorway and I realize it must be night since light isn’t pouring in from the kitchen.

  “Where are you going, sourpuss?”

  “How long have I been down here?” I croak. I’m not sure when was the last time I ate or drank anything.

  “It’s after midnight,” he says with a tsk and clomps down the steps toward me. “All you wanted to do was fuck and get high all day long.”

  No.

  I swipe at the tears on my cheeks and shake my head. “I n-need to get away from you. I need to call Duvan. Where is Duvan?!”

  He continues his descent, a wolfish smile tugging at his lips. “I told you, he’s being detained. It’s just us, Gabriella.”

  I wince at hearing my name. Hearing it pulls my mind back to reality a bit. “I’m going to find him.”

  His eyes darken as he skims his gaze over my quivering naked body. “It’s a long way to the warehouse. What happens when you get there and you need your fix?”

  Hissing at him, I stumble away from him when he approaches. “I don’t need a fix!”

  My body trembles in protest. Lies. I need it and I need him.

  “Shhh,” he says softly and walks past me to the safe room. “Let me help you. I can help get rid of those shakes and then I’ll drive you to him.”

  Another quake ripples through me and I double over in pain as a severe throb twists my stomach into a knot. A loud grumble comes from my belly. “I-I don’t need that,” I tell him, my bottom lip wobbling wildly. “I need food. I need clothes. I n-need you to go away.”

  But my eyes are watching him with intensity as he pulls out his supplies from the safe. I want to focus and notice every detail so I don’t need his help anymore. Another pang rips through me.

  “I’ll feed you after this, sourpuss,” he assures me in a calm tone. He sets his tray full of stuff down and begins pulling off his suit jacket. Each movement is slow and calculating. I hate how he’s taking his time. Darting my gaze to the drugs, I try to ignore the hunger pain in my stomach.

  “Esteban…” I murmur. “Please help me.”

  His nearly black eyes lift to mine and he flashes me a sincere smile. “Come here and sit beside me. Let’s talk. I’ll give you what you need and then I’ll feed you. Together we can go find Duvan.”

  My shoulders hunch. I want to believe him. God, how I do. It would be much easier than fighting my conscience that is clawing for attention. I keep pushing it away because it hurts less that way.

  “You promise?” I croak.

  He nods and pats the sofa beside him. I have to step past the used condoms, which make me shudder harder.

  “D-Did you rape me?”

  His body tenses at my words. Our eyes meet and irritation is present in his. “It’s not rape if she comes screaming your name.”

  I close my eyes and am met with fragments of memories. Esteban inside of me. Pushing himself and the liquid bliss into my veins. I did come. He made it all feel so good.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” I choke out, tears blurring him in front of me. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

  He grips my bony hips and hauls me into his lap so I’m straddling him. When his fingers whisper over my sore arms, I shudder with need. I cry out when he bites my breast. “You’re mine now. That’s who you are, sourpuss. Mine. Just like it was supposed to be.”

  A full-bodied sob wracks through me. He’s hard between my legs and I’m disgusted. Yet I can’t bring myself to move away from him. Self-loathing swarms around me like a furious storm cloud, whipping at me from every direction.

  “Help me,” I murmur. “Somebody help me.”

  I feel the tightening on my bicep. And then I feel a pinch. As soon as the heat rushes into me, I roll my head back and stare up at the ceiling. The pain and worry and sadness and despair are chased away into the darkness. I’m once again stolen by the pleasure that’s dancing through me and the fingers that are now probing me.

  I’m trapped in a nightmare.

  Esteban is the monster.

  And I can’t fucking escape.

  Stars dance and glitter around me. Nothing makes sense anymore. He takes away my pain despite being the one to dole it out to me. I’m on a seesaw of confusion. Up and down, trying to decide between right and wrong.

  “There, there, angel,” he coos, dragging me up, up, up into my high. “I promised I’d take care of you.” And then he’s bringing me down, down, down onto him and him deep inside of me. “Come and then sleep.”

  I come.

  And t
hen I fall against his chest and sleep.

  Somebody help me…

  “Something’s wrong.”

  I lift my gaze to stare at Oscar. He’s been trying to get ahold of his brother Duvan for several days now. Nothing. Vee sits cross-legged on her bed beside him and frowns at me.

  “Brie isn’t answering our Skype calls either. Has she responded to your emails?” she asks me.

  Pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration, I shake my head. “I thought she was still trying to warm up to being friends with me. When’s the last time either of you spoke to her?”

  Oscar stands and starts pacing the bedroom. “She was behaving strangely last time I talked to her. Seemed nervous and frantic. Then she just hung up on me.” He scrubs his face with his palm. “I can’t get in touch with either of my brothers. Something’s most definitely wrong.”

  “I’m calling my dad. He’s been spending a lot of time at the shipyard with Camilo so he hasn’t been home this week but I think he ought to be able to help us,” Vee says as she dials her dad and puts him on speakerphone.

  I bristle at the mention of him. The dickhead put his hands on Brie and I’ll be damned if I ever trust a word he says. But if she’s in trouble and he can help, I’ll listen. While the phone rings, I text Dad.

  Me: Have you spoken to Gabe lately?

  Dad: He called and checked in last night while you were out.

  I hold up my finger to Vee and Oscar excusing myself before stepping out into the hallway to call him.

  “What did he say?” I demand the moment he answers.

  “Toto, go see mom-mom,” he says gently. I can hear Blue’s Clues playing in the background and him saying something to Mom before the sound of a door clicking shut muffles the music. “He gave me a number to reach him at. Was checking on Toni and wondered if I’d heard anything about Gabriella. Why?”

  “Did you tell him about her marrying Duvan Rojas?”

  He lets out a swoosh of air. “I didn’t think it was necessary to give him the details and send him on a damn killing spree. Besides, you told me she was happy.”

  Pain makes my chest ache, and I shake my head in frustration. “She may very well be happy. But we can’t reach her. Duvan’s brother Oscar and I are worried about the both of them.”

  The line grows quiet. “I have to tell him.” A growl resounds on the other line. “Jesus, I have to fucking tell him.”

  I flip my ball cap around so that it’s backward and lean my shoulder against the door jamb. “Don’t send him into a psychotic rage just yet, Dad. Let me find out what I can and I’ll let you know.”

  He sighs and I can hear his chair squeak. “Be careful, son. I don’t like you wrapped up with these people.”

  I bristle. These people are my friends. And one of these people, I’m heartbroken over. “Then maybe you should have thought about that before you involved me.”

  Dad curses, and I instantly feel like an ass for blaming him.

  “Look,” I say in exasperation. “I’m sorry. Just…” I trail off when Oscar pops his head through the door and shakes his head at me. “Just see if you can tap into her phone records. See what she’s been up to. Emails. Social media. Anything. We need to make sure she’s okay. And if she’s not…”

  “We’ll send her father after her.”

  I bite my tongue but agree. “Yep. Gotta go, Dad.”

  If she’s not okay, there’s no way I’ll trust waiting on Gabe to go in and help her. He already abandoned her once, I can’t help but wonder if he’d do it again. Hell, my parents are already dealing with one of his kids as we speak.

  “You got a passport, my man?” Oscar asks.

  I scrub my face with my palm. “Yep. Give me time to pack a bag.”

  “I’m coming with you,” Calder says, his mouth set into a determined frown. “You won’t let Dad come, but I’m going.”

  I cringe thinking about the argument Dad and I had when I came home to break the news to him. Gabe’s not answering the number he gave him. Like I said, I can’t trust him to do a goddamned thing. When Mom heard us arguing, I told her I was going on a summer trip to South America with some friends. It wasn’t a lie. And Dad didn’t want to get into it with her so he stormed off.

  He’ll get over it.

  “It’s fucking dangerous, bro,” I grunt as I shove clothes into a suitcase. “We don’t know what we’re walking into down there.”

  He shrugs and saunters over to me. “More the reason for me to be there and have your back.”

  “Mom will never let you go,” I retort.

  “I’m not a kid anymore.”

  I glance over at my brother who recently turned eighteen and sigh. “Fine but when we get there, you’re staying at the hotel with Vee.”

  His blue eyes brighten at the mention of Vienna. “Why is she going?”

  I rummage through my drawers yanking out socks and underwear. “Brie’s her best friend. She’s worried.”

  He groans. “She just likes that asshole. I don’t know why she’s so obsessed with him.”

  And, God, she is. Every time I look at the girl, she’s gazing at Oscar like she wants to be the mother of all his babies. The guy doesn’t even see her. I mean, literally, he sees her. But he doesn’t look at her the way she looks at him.

  Unfortunately, she doesn’t look at Calder the way he looks at her.

  What a clusterfuck.

  “Whatever. If you’re going and Mom’s not going to beat your ass, pack a bag. I don’t have time to wait.”

  He’s gone in a flash to pack. I can’t help but wonder if this is a shitty idea. For all I know, she’s happy playing wife—God, how I fucking hate that word now—to Duvan. We may just show up and piss her off.

  While I wait for Calder to pack, I open my laptop. I have a picture saved on my desktop. It’s one Vee took of us. Brie’s hair was longer then and blows in the wind. My arm is wrapped possessively around her waist. Her smile is breathtaking. The brown in her eyes seems to sparkle with mischief—a look that’s hot as hell on her. My eyes are different too. Happy and proud to have her by my side.

  I waited too long.

  My secret always kept me from plunging too deep with her. So many times over the past couple of years I’d wanted to profess my love to her. To make love to her and promise her my heart. It teased the tip of my tongue but never rolled out. The secret of my betrayal always hung like a thick curtain of disgust between us. No matter how much I wanted to move forward with her, I simply couldn’t. Not with such a divide between us.

  Now, I wish I’d have told her the first time I’d kissed her. Perhaps then, we could have talked it through. Worked on shit. Maybe if I’d not been a goddamned pussy, she’d be here with me now. In my arms instead of his.

  Perhaps then she’d be wearing a promise ring from me instead of a damned wedding ring from Duvan Rojas.

  I fucked up.

  Royally.

  Opening up my email, I check to make sure she hasn’t messaged me. Nothing since the last time we corresponded. Swallowing down my unease, I tap out an email to her.

  Brie,

  I hope you’re happy. You’re quiet and not responding. We’re all worried about you. If you’re happy, though, I’m happy for you.

  Do you remember that time we ate at Fish Paddy’s on the pier? Calder and Vee went to throw french fries at the seagulls, but we stayed behind and shared a piece of key lime pie. Remember how you told me you’d wanted to go to film school? How you’d wanted to write a screenplay one day that would top Sixteen Candles? I laughed at you and asked you why you watched old ass movies all the time. You got this pretty glimmer in your eyes and said, “Old movies have the best music.”

  I teased you and we went on our way. What I didn’t tell you was that I found Sixteen Candles on Netflix. And a whole bunch of other cheesy eighties movies. I watched them because I had to know what made you love them. I needed to know what made you so intrigued with them that you wanted to go to film school.<
br />
  I have to say…I’m still trying to figure it out, Brie.

  I’m kidding.

  You were right, beautiful. The music is pretty badass. Still won’t replace my Nine Inch Nails or Pearl Jam, but I may or may not have made a playlist that reminds me of you…

  “Don’t you… forget about me…”

  Ren

  PS – I hope you have that song stuck in your head now, because I do. Thanks for that, woman.

  “Ready?” Calder asks from the doorway, a bag thrown over his shoulder and a ball cap pulled over his head.

  I hit send and snap my laptop shut. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to see her with that Rojas fuck.”

  Calder lets out a sigh. “Believe me, brother, I know exactly how you feel.”

  Turns out, we aren’t able to get a flight out until tomorrow evening. The four of us have decided to crash in Oscar’s hotel room until then. None of us have heard from Brie, and I’m about to go fucking crazy with worry.

  “What are you studying, Oscar?” I ask as I flip through pictures on my phone of Brie and me.

  He blabs on about family business and shit. I’m only half listening as I obsess over Brie—my girl before it all went to hell. Oscar is still talking when we hear a bang on the hotel room door.

  “Probably my father,” he groans.

  But when he opens the door, Heath Berkley storms in past him. “Where is she?”

  Anger surges through my veins at seeing him. I’d give anything to knock him in his perfect, white goddamned teeth. When I lean forward in my chair, Calder taps me on the knee and shakes his head at me.

  “Daddy,” Vee whines. “I’m going to see Brie.”

  Possessiveness flashes in his eyes at the mention of Brie, his jaw ticking furiously. “She’s with Duvan for now. She’s fine. You’re not going out there.”

  For now?

  My ears perk up and I listen attentively.

  “Why not? It’s not like I haven’t been before,” she argues, her pale cheeks turning pink with anger. “We vacationed there many times when I was a kid.”

  He growls and storms over to her pink suitcase sitting in the corner. “When you were a kid, Vienna. Not since you’ve become a woman. Things are different over there than they are here. All it takes is one person to recognize that you’re my daughter and to see how beautiful you are, and they’ll try to get to me through you. I won’t have you traipsing across the world into a hornet’s nest.”