Give Me Yesterday Page 13

  I want her back. I can’t think, I can’t breathe, so I curl up into the fetal position on the floor, not holding back. My last moments with them are now flashing in front of me and I squeeze my eyes shut. Oh no, no, please. Not those memories. The pleading doesn’t work and I’m forced to look upon the lifeless body of the most precious, most beautiful angel that will ever grace the streets of heaven. The moment the doctor told me I’d lost them both, was when I broke. The moment that will forever be burned into my mind as the moment when I became nothing but another body going through the motions of life. Biding my time, just waiting for the day when it’s my turn.

  I can’t do it. I can’t go another day living without them. My heart is irreparably broken.

  I’m broken.

  A light hurts my eyes as it slices across the floor, and then I become weightless. I’m so warm I want to bask in the pleasant feelings of this cocoon. Strong arms hold me tight and rock my body as it shakes with pain and sobbing. A smooth, deep sound spreads a balm on the jagged rips in my chest. I take a deep breath and the air is filled with a scent that soothes my aching lungs. It fills me up, every inhale sewing the pieces of my heart together.

  My head is pushed into something soft and hard at the same time. Heat pours from it and I burrow into it, focusing on the steady beat I hear, allowing me to block out everything else around me. I’m floating now, the light growing brighter, causing me to turn my head deeper into my safe place. After an indeterminable amount of time, I feel softness underneath me, and the warm cocoon begins to go away. I whimper at the loss, and grasp on tight. “Don’t leave. Please, please don’t leave me,” I beg, the sound hoarse, scraping along the wreckage that is my throat.

  “Baby, let me get a damp cloth and water for you. I promise I’ll be right back.” The voice washes over me, calming my soul, lessening the pain. It’s Chase. I hold on tight, not wanting to be without the comfort he brings. I just know the minute he leaves me, the blackness and the overwhelming pain will return. “I’ll be right back, baby. I swear. Just one second.” My grip is pried away and I open my eyes to watch him walk away. So, I shut them again. I don’t want to see my reality. I don’t want to lose anyone else.

  It’s only seconds before I feel a cool cloth gently wiping over my face, down my neck, and along my nape. I feel my shoes being removed, then I’m turned onto my side and my zipper is lowered. I lift my lids and watch Chase pull my dress down and toss it on a chair. He raises me just enough to pull the covers down, removes my bra, and puts a T-shirt over my head. I know I should help, instead of being a limp, wet noodle, but I don’t have any stores of energy left.

  He lays me back down, and brings a sheet up to cover me, then he begins to undress. When he’s down to his boxer briefs, he rounds the bed and slips under the covers. Moving over to me he stares into my eyes, well, what he can see of them. I can feel the swelling, almost forcing them shut. His melted chocolate eyes are full of pain as they look deeply into mine. Eventually, he leans down and places the sweetest, softest kiss on my cheek. Then he adjusts my position so that he is curled around me, back to front. I sink into the warmth, feeling calmer despite the endless tears spilling over from my eyes. I didn’t even notice that I’m still crying.

  The hand not under my head begins to smooth over my hair, bringing it away from my face and running his fingers through it. The feeling brings a new heaviness, but this one is pleasant. It makes me boneless from exhaustion rather than pain. A new blackness begins to envelope me and I don’t fight it. Somehow, I know this darkness will be blissfully empty.

  As she sleeps the afternoon away, I stare at her for hours. Each time her lips twitch, I don’t fight the urge to kiss them and gently graze mine against hers. Her lids flutter and her brows furrow, no doubt dreaming of sad, terrible things. But all it takes is my finger stroking her cheek or running my palm over her hair that’s long been unraveled for her to relax and a tiny smile to cause the corners of her lips to quirk up.

  Her phone vibrates over and over again from inside her purse, most likely her mother, but I make no moves to answer. Earlier, when she had her mental breakdown, I carried her away from the cause of her pain. Away from her family and the memories. I promised her it would always be this way—me carrying her when she’s too weak to handle it on her own.

  As the sun dips lower on the horizon and the room darkens, I decide I should wake her up to get something into her belly.

  “Tori,” I murmur, kissing her forehead. “Time to wake up. We should eat.”

  She moans and eventually squints open her eyes. “What time is it?”

  “After six. You’ve slept the entire day away.”

  A frown plays at her lips and I kiss her.

  “How are you feeling?” I ask.

  She tears her gaze from mine and stares up at the ceiling. “I feel broken.”

  Her answer is honest and she takes a ragged breath, tears welling in her eyes.

  “The wedding set you off?”

  One nod and her teary eyes meet mine. “It reminded me of my own wedding—of the fact that my daughter will never have a wedding of her own.”

  An ache forms in my chest as I think about Ashley. We were going to marry one day. Have kids of our own. It was all ruined in an instant. I instinctively run my fingers over the angel on my chest, feeling the ache in my heart. I’ve seen her look at it with questions in her eyes, but I don’t volunteer the information. I can only image the heartache Tori must feel.

  “My life is empty. Even after all this time. I’m nothing but a shred of who I was when I had them,” she chokes out.

  What she calls a shred is my entire goddamned world. Ever since I laid eyes on the woman with an exterior made of ice and a warm soul that craved to be loved again, I’ve been enamored, and for once in the last decade, I could see a future with someone again.

  “You’re not nothing,” I whisper and drop a kiss on her mouth. “You’re everything, Tori. To me, you’re everything. I want to make you happy again.”

  “I don’t want happiness. It isn’t fair without them. They’re dead and I’m not. Why should I go on and enjoy life?”

  Life’s not fair.

  I push away my mother’s words and narrow my eyes at her. “What do you think your husband would say right now if you could speak to him? Don’t you think he would want you to be happy?”

  The tears spill over her cheeks and she bites her lip. We both know the answer. He would. A million times over he would.

  “But he’s not here,” she sobs. “So we’ll never fucking know, will we?”

  I cover her quivering lips with mine and kiss her softly at first. But when her mouth parts open and her tongue searches mine in a desperate manner, I deepen the kiss. Our tongues become one and soon I’m completely on top of her swallowing every moan as my dick presses through my boxers against the sweet spot between her legs.

  Our kiss becomes slower and I thrust against her body in conjunction with our kiss. It’s our own erotic tango that only we know the steps to. Her heavy breathing is a fucking turn on and I want to fix her.

  “I want to make love to you, Tori,” I murmur, my lips hovering over hers.

  Her entire body quivers at my words but she starts to cry. “I want you to, Chase, I truly do. But why do I want this? It’s a betrayal of him.”

  I kiss her again slowly before pulling away to stare at her. “He’s gone, baby. And I’m so fucking sorry. But you deserve to find love again. What we have is something special. Let me heal your broken soul.”

  “Chase,” she says tearfully.

  Tearing away from her mouth, I trail kisses along her jaw and down her neck. My lips travel over the T-shirt and I kiss her through her clothes. I’ll worship her body all night long with my mouth. I want her to see what I see. Feel what I feel.

  When I reach her breast, she gasps.

  I lift away from her and sit up on my knees. Her eyelids are still swollen from crying earlier today and her cheeks are tears
tained. Wild blonde hair surrounds her head as if she’s some broken angel without her heaven—lost and alone.

  I’ve found you, baby.

  You’re not alone anymore.

  Her chest heaves as she stares at me with a mix of apprehension and hope. She’s scared to feel again, yet she craves it more than her very next breath.

  I will fix her.

  I will fill the gaping hole in her chest with everything in my soul.

  She will feel again. I’ll make sure of it.

  With my eyes never leaving her crystal blue ones, I grab onto her panties on each side of her hips and drag them down her thighs. Her eyes widen and she bites her lip but she doesn’t stop me.

  This is happening.

  The scrap of fabric slides over her knees and she pulls her legs out of them one at a time, her legs falling open to bare her sweet pussy to me. Once I toss the panties to the floor, I push the T-shirt up her belly and over her breasts. She takes the fabric from my hands and pulls it away from her body and off her head.

  She’s naked before me.

  I want her. All of her.

  To consume her from the inside out.

  To fill her with my strength.

  Sitting up on my knees, I push my boxers down, letting my hardened cock bob out before us. Her eyes tear from mine and she eyes it warily. For someone who hasn’t made love since before the death of her husband, I’m sure she’s unsure about how it will feel to be stretched and filled again. Fear flashes over her features.

  I won’t ever hurt her.

  Crawling over her, I kick my boxers off the rest of the way and groan when our bare skin connects. Electricity volts between us and her mouth parts, needing the connection of our lips. I dive down and steal her lips away with mine. Our kiss connects our souls. With every slide of our tongue and breath between us, we pass along our fears and worry to the other. And together we squash them.

  “Make love to me, Chase.”

  Her words sing their way into my ears and through my body, warming me every step of the way. My cock that’s smashed between us throbs to grant her wish.

  “I’m going to make you happy again,” I vow before I crash my lips to hers.

  A needy moan ripples through her chest against mine and it’s my undoing. Grabbing hold of my cock, I slide it against her wet pussy. I push into her and inch by inch, her body stretches to accept me.

  “Chase,” she whimpers.

  When I’m completely pushed into her tight, hot body, I graze my nose against hers. “Do you feel how perfect we are together?”

  She nods and gasps when I begin a slow thrust inside of her. It occurs to me mid stride that I’m inside of her without a condom.

  “Baby,” I groan and continue thrusting, “I’m inside you bare.”

  Her eyes widen but she locks her ankles around my ass and urges me to go faster. “I’m on the pill. It’s okay. I need to feel you.”

  I slam my eyes closed and drive into her harder. Her body grows increasingly wet and I know I’ll come soon. She feels too good, I can’t hold on forever. This isn’t about feeling good though. Our souls are uniting and with every pound into her, our hearts grow closer. My strength mends her shattered heart shard by shard.

  Slipping a hand between us, my middle finger connects with her clit and she yelps. I massage her in unison with each thrust and shove away the urge to come suddenly and without warning.

  I want her unraveling before I do.

  I need her to feel everything I have to offer her.

  “Tori, you have no idea what you mean to me. I’ve never wanted to be with someone so bad in my entire life. You’re everything,” I whisper fiercely. “Do you hear me? Fucking everything to me.”

  She nods and tears well in her eyes again. Guilt twists her features and I shake my head at her.

  “Don’t feel guilty about living, baby. It’s time to live again. Do you understand me? Do it for her. Do it for him.” I kiss her. “And do it for you.”

  She relaxes in my arms and flutters her eyes closed. I watch as she focuses on reaching her orgasm and the moment she cries out in ecstasy, I lose control and spill inside of her. My cock throbs out its release and I fill her perfect body with the proof of my need for her.

  “Everything,” I remind her against her lips and then kiss her again.

  As the evidence of our lovemaking leaks from her languid body, I relax and hug her to me, careful not to completely crush her.

  “How do you feel?”

  A small chuckle reverberates through her chest and into mine. “Good. Really good.”

  I lift up and flash her a grin. “Just good? I was hoping for mind-blown. Fucking ecstatic. Ruined for any other man. But good? I guess I need to practice my moves some more.”

  Her lips break into the most beautiful smile and if I hadn’t just given her everything I had to give, I’d make love to her all over again.

  “We may need some practice,” she teases.

  She’s absentmindedly tracing the little angel forever drawn on my heart and I can’t bring myself to tell her the meaning, so I drop down and press a kiss to her forehead. “Baby, I promise we’ll practice until neither of us can walk. Now, let’s get showered—this time my efficient way, with both of us in the shower at once—and then grab a late lunch so we’ll have the strength for all this practicing you plan on doing.”

  When I pull out of her and sit up on my haunches, I admire how my lost angel has a glow about her now. She’s finding her way again and with my help. I’ll never leave her side. Ever.

  “What?” she questions with a frown.

  I grab hold of her hands and pull her into a sitting position. “Nothing,” I lie.

  She’s fucking everything.

  She raises a brow in disbelief. “You’re a terrible liar.”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I climb off the bed and pull her to her feet. “Better than a horrible lover.”

  “That one’s still up for debate,” she laughs.

  “Who’s the terrible liar now?” I say as I hunch and haul her over my shoulder.

  Her squeals and her giggles are music to my ears as I strut toward the bathroom.

  She’s fucking everything.

  “Just try it,” I tell her with a growl, the fork poised in the air near her mouth.

  Her eyes narrow at the calamari I’ve stabbed and drenched in marinara. “I can see its legs. Why would you make me eat that little baby squid?”

  I roll my eyes. “Its deep fried, baby. Stop thinking about it as a living animal and start thinking about it as food. Now eat it.”

  We’re sitting side by side in a corner booth and have been enjoying light conversation about our jobs and other simple stuff. It’s been quiet and relaxing—the air between us now changed. Different. Easy. Perfect.

  She slams her eyes closed and parts her mouth open to accept the food. But, with the dim light shining on her beautiful face and painted lips open and waiting, I decide the food can wait. I drop the fork to the plate with a clatter. Sliding my palm over her cheek and to the base of her neck, I tug her to me and smash my lips to hers. She tastes like the wine we’re drinking—sweet and fucking delicious.

  A moan enters my mouth as I kiss her. I slide my palm down her neck and over her breast and continue my journey until it rests on her bare thigh.

  “Now that I’ve had you,” I mutter and suck her bottom lip through my teeth, “I’ll never have enough of you. I plan on taking your sweet pussy again soon.”

  Not caring if anyone can see us, I slip my hand under her skirt and tease her through her panties. She whimpers and squirms as I touch her.

  “Would you let me finger you right—”

  “Ahem,” someone clears their throat, interrupting us, “How is your appetizer?”

  I drag my mouth from hers but leave my hand where it is so I can regard the rude waiter. His eyebrows are at his hairline as he unmistakably takes pride in interrupting our little make out session.

  W
iggling my finger and eliciting a gasp from Tori, I meet his gaze. “Delicious. Absolutely delicious. I’m not sure I’ll ever get enough. In fact,” I continue while pushing her panties to the side and slip my finger inside of her, “I could feast on this delicacy all night long.”

  The waiter gapes at me and his eyes flit over to Tori who’s biting back all sorts of moans. “Uh, okay, I, uh….” he trails off.

  “Can you check on our entrees? We’re ready to finish up and get back to our hotel room,” I clip out and dismiss him.

  And as he scurries away, I finish taking care of my woman, swallowing her moans so the rest of the restaurant doesn’t witness our dirty little show.

  “God, you’re messy,” she groans as she tosses more of my shit into my overnight bag in the bathroom. “Do you have to leave your crap everywhere? Some of us have to work in the morning.”

  I laugh as she continues to pack up our things in the hotel. Originally we were supposed to check out by noon but once she had her episode, I booked the room for another night while she slept. But, even though the room is reserved, we both have work tomorrow and are going back to the city tonight and away from the memories that seem to hurt her so much.

  “Some of us aren’t neat freaks,” I tease as I lean against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest, watching her pack.

  Her peach colored skirt she wore to dinner hugs her curvy ass and my dick twitches to be inside of her again. Seeing her now, not as broken or vulnerable as she was earlier, I want more than to simply make love to her. Now, I crave to fuck her.

  Stalking over to her I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and stare at her in the mirror. Her wild blond hair has been tamed into submission and twisted into a messy bun. Blue eyes find mine in the mirror and they blaze with a mutual desire.

  “I want to fuck you.”

  She widens her eyes at me. “W-w-what?”

  “You. The skirt. The hair. The Ice Queen bitching at me for leaving my shit everywhere,” I say as I slip my palms over her breasts and squeeze them. “It turns me on and I want to fuck you right here over this countertop.”